A Bit of Bad
Transfer Collage 3" x 5"
I was schlepping a full-length mirror up my snow covered driveway.
Don't ask why. Patience has never been one of my virtues and when my
mind is set on redecorating there's almost no stopping me. So, here
I am straining to move this mirror that weighs something like one hundred
fifty pounds up the gradual incline of the driveway when of course I
slip on a patch of ice. I overcompensate to prevent the mirror from
falling on top of me by thrusting the mirror away from my chest. It
slips from my grasp and crashes to the ground. Shards scattered across
the snow reflecting myriad images of me looking gape-mouthed and foolish.
Though I was lucky to be unharmed I was furious with myself. If only
I had been willing to wait for it to be delivered the following Monday
I wouldn't have been standing there nine hundred and fifty dollars poorer.
I went inside to get a broom and dustpan. When I returned a murder of
crows were wandering up the driveway, multiplied one hundred fold by the
pieces of mirror laying around them. The scene was inauspicious to say
the least. Given the size of the mirror I figured I had just bought myself
something like seven hundred years of bad luck. I hurled my broom javelin-like
at the birds, but they remained unperturbed."Suit yourselves,"
I glowered. "Don't come whining to me when you slice off a talon."
I started sweeping. When I bent down to pick up the glass the seat of
my pants split.I know it was just a coincidence, but at that exact moment
the birds broke out in a chorus of cackles and caws. 'Great,' I thought.
'Birds are laughing at me.' Disgusted with myself I took the dust pan
and broom with me and retreated into the house and into my den where I
spent the remainder of the afternoon in the company of a six pack of wine
coolers and a Ray Harryhausen movie marathon on television.