Vast Air - Hand-made Collage

Add one part hypochondria with two parts paranoia and the result is my cousin Curtis. The conspiracy-theory-spinning germophobe lives in the basement of my aunt's home toiling away at his tome that attributes his chronic allergies to a clandestine government organization's plot. According to Curtis, the government wants to saturate the air we breathe with lots of irritants so that eventually the population's only recourse will be to purchase exobitantly priced canned air. "And how exactly, do you think the government plans to carry out this plot?" we ask. He gives us a sideways glance before whispering his reply, "Lorna Doones." We laugh. "You mean those flavorless shortbread cookies made by Nabisco?" Curtis glares at us. "The very same." We laugh some more. "Come now Curtis," we say, "Everyone knows that you hate Lorna Doones. Why don't you just tell your mom to get you some other kind of cookie?" Curtis bolts from his chair. "And tip off the government that I'm onto them?!" And with that he picks up Howard Hughes his creepy pet lizard and heads back down to the basement to resume his work.