How to Get Rid of Unwanted Houseguests -Handmade Collage

It usually occurs around this time of year that our home is visited by several tribes of wee people. Over the years we have tried any number of measures to get rid of them, none of which has been particularly successful. They are charming enough, playing their tiny instruments, dancing and singing merry tunes. But, come early February their tempers turn dark and they take to drinking very powerful alcohol usually distilled from pieces of cereal that they steal from our cupboard. At these times, they become unruly and something of a nuisance. Lest we provoke their ire and bring bad luck upon our home, we resolve ourselves to their presence and hope for an early thaw when we can sweep them out the door.

This year has been particularly trying what with the extreme cold and ample snow. The drinking has been heavier than usual and as a result, I've decided to tempt the fates by kicking them out into the cold. Though quick and nimble when sober, a drunk weeman hardly moves at all. At such times, I don protective clothing (for their touch can induce hives) and carry with me a five gallon mason jar. I go through the house grabbing them by the scruff of their necks and dropping them into the jar. In an hour or two I can collect a good half dozen. Then, I load the jar into the car and drive out to the forest preserve where the lilliputian inebriates are released into the wild. Drunk and disoriented by the journey, they stumble about in the snow trying to get their bearings, leaving me just enough time to return to my car and get away from them before they come to their senses.